Lord, I come to you right now in the bleachers of my former high school. I look and see four people running and four people walking and one person catching his breathe. I wonder what's going on in their lives. On the outside they seem like they have it all together, but do they? Or am I the only one here that's trying to hold it together? Three months and Sarah's death still has me messed up. Everything still has me messed up God. God, lately I've been growing close to you but right now I feel far apart. I feel alone, unwanted, unloved. Lord, right now I ask that you fold your arms around me. Let me feel your love. I'm so tired of being hurt and sad. Get those emotions away from me. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I wanna love for you. I wanna be on fire for you again. Please help me!

Hello again! It's been a while since I've written in here. I just fell away from God. Sarah's death really took it's toll on me. I just recently started finding my way back to God. I've been going to Matthias Lot lately, met this dude named M. Horton. I'm staying with him and his roommate J. McCarthy for a bit so I can get back on my feet. I found that living with my dad was getting me depressed and I was close to ending my life a month ago. I'm somewhat happy now. I'm praying again and reading the bible! But I'm still struggling with drinking. It's gonna be harder now 'cause I just turned 21. Oh yeah! I just got a tattoo of a cross on my wrist. It symbolizes how God will NEVER leave me... it gives me hope.