So I'm back in Kansas City, at IHOP. It's so amazing here. I just grabbed "coffee" with C. Carson and we chatted for a couple hours. Can't wait to chill with you in the prayer room. I'm trying to get close to you again. I'm struggling so much mentally and in sin. I need you so bad and please help me stop with all this sin. I love you and I trust. I wanna be with you and tell people about you. I want people to see you in me. I wont give up 'cause you care!

Well this is the first time I've written to you from Express Scripts! I just wanted to say thanks for throwing L. McCourtney in my life. Also, I messaged this dude I met at the ASU/SEMO retreat named K. Reilly. I met him on Saturday when I joined a group kicking around a soccer ball. We chatted about life and he was in the Marines... he was a cool cat! But anyways, I messaged him on Facebook and told him about the whole suicide thing and how I didn't do it and why. He was chill about it and I gave him my number so we can chat more.. Lord, I wanna grow in you and be close again.

Wow God! Met this dude here named L. McCourtney. He told me everything I needed to hear. Maybe I should give this life one more try.

Well Lord, I guess tomorrow is it. I told myself last Sunday, if nothing changes in the next week, then I'm ending it all. So far things got worse. If you're gonna make something happen, then do it 'cause I'm done!

So I'm at this church retreat with SEMO (Southeast Missouri State University) right now. Ben C. invited me here. I'm stoaked about trying to get back in touch with you. I miss being around you. I just miss you.

Wow, I'm in the prayer room right now. So many people worshiping you, praying to you, and singing your name. I yearn for this Lord! I wanna be with you! I wanna feel the fire again.

Lord, last night was crazy! I'm at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City, MO right now. I'm going to the prayer room at 12:30. I can't wait to feel your presence Lord. I wanna feel you so bad, but I feel like I've strayed away from you. Please help me welcome you into my life again! I miss you.

Wow, it's been a second since I dove in here. So, I'm in Chicago right now... for the second weekend in a row. I love this city, it's so beautiful. I walk through it listening to worship music, looking at your beauty and I can't help but cry. Your amazing Lord! I'm with someone I met last weekend (Ryan B). He knows who you are, but I fear that his relationship with you is lacking. I pray that his heart be open and you come in and fill it. Lord, I also pray that you help me through Jev's death.. 5 months and it still hurts, more than ever! I just can't grasp it. When I look out this apartment window, I see your beauty, I see your strength, I see your love... I see you. Knowing that your around every corner is such a comfort. I love you too!