Thank you for calming me down

God, I'm stressing out! The Air Force just left Tiffany J's house for questioning and a friend called when I was at work and then Myles Allen texted me about counseling. Lord, I give it all to you!

Lord, things remain the same. Things are still crappy, but you are still amazing! Last night scared me though, the thoughts of suicide entered my mind. I just didn't wanna live anymore, please get these thoughts away. Also, two days ago Ryan R. said some things to me while we were throwing a party for his sister, Katie, because she was turning 20, and the things he said made me question how he really felt about me and if he even cares and if he only has me around so he can tell people that he saved my life. So I typed him up a Facebook message and told him about how I felt about that, I guess it's up to him if our friendship ends here. I don't want it to, but I'm also not a trophy on display. Please be with me Lord.

Lord, what has been going on lately!? It seems like the sun is shining even when the rain is pouring down... in other words, life and everything in it is so crappy right now, but you are still good and you have blessed me with so much that (for the most part) I take for granted.  Yes, all this stuff is going on, but I can see when the blind can't. I can run and walk when people are confined to wheel chairs. I can talk and sing when there is mute people! Thank you so much for all of this and everything I forgot to mention. Everyone walks out on me but you stay here beside me!

I talked to Jev's mom today on his aim (anightinthetank). She isn't doing good, please be with her and the rest of the family. Also with Cait, she is so heart broken.

So I know what it was all about, that Casey texted me for. He is pissed off at me 'cause he thought I lied to him about crap and he thought I was wanting him to have pity on me. That was a slap in the face. God, you know that I talked to him and Kaleb for different reasons. I learned so much from them both. I looked up to them like brothers. Now they are both gone and I'm alone, abandoned, once again. This time it hurts so much more though. Am I a bad person? Lord, I'm trying to rest in you, but I can't keep having people walk out on me. Especially right now. This is the time I need you and them most! What do I do? I'm lost and hurt.

Lord, I don't know what to think anymore. C. Peterson used to be such a great friend of mine, but now he is like a stranger. The last time I talked to him was when Sarah passed. I have called and texted since then and he just now texted back saying "hey, what's up"... I donno!? What IS up?