Lord, Lord, Lord... what to say right now? I read Ryan's Facebook status and it was a really cool apology. It's hard to stay mad at him, although, I'm still hurt. Usually I leave after I get hurt, but he is the closest thing I have to a family. So, I texted him and told him everything is alright. But yeah, crazy thing just happened! I'm wearing a cross necklace (the one Brian and Anne got me while they were on their honeymoon in Costa Rica) and a co-worker complimented me on it and then asked me if I was religious and I said yes and then showered her my wrist tattoo (the cross) and then she said, "Wow! I always thought you were too nice to be a Christian!" This kinda hurts hearing that! We should be known for our love for others, but it's all tainted by phony Christians out there. I want to change that!

Lord, I'm kinda scared, not gonna lie. I have my first counceling session with Gary Reeds today at 5:45pm. Also, Ryan replied to my Facebook message and had no clue what I was talking about... was he THAT drunk? But here is some good news! I got the job at Express Scripts!! I start in October, I can't wait. I just donno what I'm gonna do with Lowe's.

Thank you for calming me down

God, I'm stressing out! The Air Force just left Tiffany J's house for questioning and a friend called when I was at work and then Myles Allen texted me about counseling. Lord, I give it all to you!

Lord, things remain the same. Things are still crappy, but you are still amazing! Last night scared me though, the thoughts of suicide entered my mind. I just didn't wanna live anymore, please get these thoughts away. Also, two days ago Ryan R. said some things to me while we were throwing a party for his sister, Katie, because she was turning 20, and the things he said made me question how he really felt about me and if he even cares and if he only has me around so he can tell people that he saved my life. So I typed him up a Facebook message and told him about how I felt about that, I guess it's up to him if our friendship ends here. I don't want it to, but I'm also not a trophy on display. Please be with me Lord.

Lord, what has been going on lately!? It seems like the sun is shining even when the rain is pouring down... in other words, life and everything in it is so crappy right now, but you are still good and you have blessed me with so much that (for the most part) I take for granted.  Yes, all this stuff is going on, but I can see when the blind can't. I can run and walk when people are confined to wheel chairs. I can talk and sing when there is mute people! Thank you so much for all of this and everything I forgot to mention. Everyone walks out on me but you stay here beside me!

I talked to Jev's mom today on his aim (anightinthetank). She isn't doing good, please be with her and the rest of the family. Also with Cait, she is so heart broken.