Hey Lord! It's me! I just wanna thank you for a couple things. One, thanks for Jacob not turning his back on me. Turns out he just deleted his Facebook. Two, thanks for Bryan W. He is extremely patient with me and is here to talk to me and doesn't judge me. Three, thanks for this church (Matthias Lot). I'm growing so much through it, both as a person and in Christ. This weekend I'm going to a little weekend conference called Deviate, through Matthias, and I can't wait to make more Christian friends and, more importantly, grow more in Christ. Thanks for the pastor, Marc Sikma, I'm going for free! I have a sneaky feeling there might be some tears there though. Cool thing is, I'm rooming with Bryan W, so at least I'll know someone! Thanks Lord!

I'm coming to you right now Lord. I'm hurt... I'm lost... I don't want to be alive anymore. God, I just wish you would take me. I can't keep having people I look up to leave. Jacob J. blocked me on Facebook, for reasons unknown. What a huge blow that is Lord! Why the heck do people keep leaving?? Am I just that messed up that no one wants to be around me? And why, each time, it hurts this much? I'm close to ending it all right now... do you wanna stop me? Lord, he was the one Christina I had left to talk to... everyone else has peaced out. I'm ready to also! There is no point of me being here if I feel this alone all the time. I'm at work right now, almost in tears.. Kristine doesn't even wanna talk to me! WHAT DO I DO LORD!? I can't go on anymore. I'm trying, but I can't.

Lord, Lord, Lord... what to say right now? I read Ryan's Facebook status and it was a really cool apology. It's hard to stay mad at him, although, I'm still hurt. Usually I leave after I get hurt, but he is the closest thing I have to a family. So, I texted him and told him everything is alright. But yeah, crazy thing just happened! I'm wearing a cross necklace (the one Brian and Anne got me while they were on their honeymoon in Costa Rica) and a co-worker complimented me on it and then asked me if I was religious and I said yes and then showered her my wrist tattoo (the cross) and then she said, "Wow! I always thought you were too nice to be a Christian!" This kinda hurts hearing that! We should be known for our love for others, but it's all tainted by phony Christians out there. I want to change that!

Lord, I'm kinda scared, not gonna lie. I have my first counceling session with Gary Reeds today at 5:45pm. Also, Ryan replied to my Facebook message and had no clue what I was talking about... was he THAT drunk? But here is some good news! I got the job at Express Scripts!! I start in October, I can't wait. I just donno what I'm gonna do with Lowe's.

Thank you for calming me down

God, I'm stressing out! The Air Force just left Tiffany J's house for questioning and a friend called when I was at work and then Myles Allen texted me about counseling. Lord, I give it all to you!

Lord, things remain the same. Things are still crappy, but you are still amazing! Last night scared me though, the thoughts of suicide entered my mind. I just didn't wanna live anymore, please get these thoughts away. Also, two days ago Ryan R. said some things to me while we were throwing a party for his sister, Katie, because she was turning 20, and the things he said made me question how he really felt about me and if he even cares and if he only has me around so he can tell people that he saved my life. So I typed him up a Facebook message and told him about how I felt about that, I guess it's up to him if our friendship ends here. I don't want it to, but I'm also not a trophy on display. Please be with me Lord.