Once again, Kari Jobe reduced me to tears. Healing tears. I almost forgot how thick God could get and how real He is. How much He loves me, and how He knows every single detail about me. I am not alone and I'm not meant to walk this life by myself. I have a mentor that loves me and hopefully new friends that do too, but most importantly, I am loved by Him!

Why are my thoughts of suicide increasing right now? I feel like I can't talk to anyone about them. Chad will call the cops, these new friends will reject me, and my old friends want me to drink. I feel lost, stuck, and alone. I just don't want to live anymore! All I want are people around me that really love Jesus (a solid community) and for me to forget my past... that's it!

I feel so alive during worship. I feel God is close, yet when it stops, I can't stop thinking of suicide. I hate myself and I don't know why.

Thank you God for blessing my broken road for it led me straight to Him!

Phil Wickam is singing at Linger right now. As he was singing the bridge & chorus of Hillsong's Oceans, I was completely reduced to tears. Satan has stolen so uch from me, but God has been blessing me with so much more.

I have never felt more accepted in my life as I do in these past 24 hours. Viviana, Lucas' friend, gave me a Valentine's Day card. Lucas shot me a text this morning... these people seem pretty legit!

Day 2 at the Linger Conference. I got here at 7:30 and was literally the first person here other thank two workers. It's so quiet! I decided to break the silences with thoughts of prayer. I don't know what God is doing in my life, but I do know good things are about to be happening. I am truly blessed to have the mentor I have. He keeps me growing and keeps my eyes focused on God. I am thankful that I have two jobs so I can afford food, gas, and bills again. Good things are finally happening.