I'm sitting in the back seat of Amanda's car being a third wheel right now. There is so much going through my head right now and I'm at the point to where I don't want to live anymore... at all

Today I decided to fast from food for the first time. I'm doing it for Robert L. I've never fasted like this for anyone before, but I felt the need to. I don't want anything to hinder his walk with God or cloud his judgment and I feel like his ex is doing that, which is weird because I don't know anything about her or their relationship. So because of this, I've gone without food this while day and have been praying constantly for him. I've never felt so hungry in my life, but I know this will help. I'm just asking for a word from God!

I'm sitting at CFNI again. Handing with Johnny wasn't bad, but I don't think he is someone I can look up to as a mentor. I really want a group of Christian guys to be around. I need community so bad. I don't want to go through life alone anymore. I'm really to let people in, even if it's going to get me hurt.

Today I was supposed to meet up with Johnny P. at 10am but then he pushed it back to grab lunch because of a meeting... then he told me to be at his place at 1:45 and that he already ate. This makes me really not want to meet up at all...

It is so weird being back in Denton right now. I decided to go to The Village with Evan W. He is now engaged! So much has changed since I last saw him. He sacrificed so much for me when I didn't know Christ and His love. I am so thankful to have him back in my life!

Kari Jobe just got done singing Forever at church. We. just took communion and I'm slowly realizing just what Jesus did for me. I'm realizing those books in the Bible are more than just stories, they are lives lived by real people. More things are making sense to me!

I'm starting this new moleskin journal because I ran out of room in my other one. Right now, I'm watching Steven Furtick's on iTunes called Death To Selfie. I've always loved Elevation Worship, but never heard any messages until now. Pastor Furtick spoke at the Gateway Conference and the message was by far one of the best messages I've heard in a while. I would actually go on to say that it saved my life. I decided that depression has no place in my life anymore. I want to improve my prayer life. I want to hold my good influences closer and get rid of the bad. Robert is one of the biggest influences in my life right now. He is a man of God and isn't afraid to show it. I'm not close to him, but that just means I need to find a group of Christian guys to have in my life. I need to start hanging around Bree and Ivy more often again as well. I refuse to let my life go down the drain again. I want to be an instrument for God to us. I can't wait to see what this season of my life holds for me! Can't wait to go back on the pages of this journal and see where life has taken me!