I'm texting Chad right now, during these amazing Chick-fil-a videos, and asked if we could hang after. He said he needs to do family time. I'm not mad or upset, but it just made me really wish I had a family. I think it just put me into a small depression

It's crazy how much my life has been turning around, thanks to Chad, thanks to God. I just got a second job. I'm at Chick-fil-a again. I'm actually watching orientation videos right now. I'm also going to a stewardship class at Gateway. Things are finally turning around!

I'm sitting at Chad's church, Northwood, right now. Two things first pop into my head. (1) I am so thankful for Gateway. I'm thankful for Pastor Robert Morris. I'm thankful for his spirit-led leadership and how he leads his church. (2) I'm also thankful for the atmosphere of Gateway. You can feel the spirit move there, especially during worship. It's not that I don't not like this church, I just sense disorganization and some immaturity from the pastor. He gets side tracked a lot and cracks jokes that distracts from the message. Then again, I am not a pastor and I don't know his life. Maybe this church just isn't for me. I will continue to come though, this is my mentor's church and he is being fed here. I trust him and want to walk like him because he is the closest person I know that walks like Jesus did.

Why does suicide keep creeping in my head?

Two days ago, I gave Chad some homework; to do the 5 Love Language text, the Spiritual Gifts test, and the Strengths Finder test. Yesterday, he did all of them. His top love languages are Acts of Service tied with Words of Affirmation (9), followed by Physical Touch (8), Quality Time (3), and Receiving Gifts (1). His top strengths are Adaptability, Connectedness, Strategic, Belief, and Futuristic. His top spiritual gifts are Faith (35), Exhortation (33), Giving (32), Mercy (31), Wisdom (31), and Pastor (31).  After seeing his "personality traits," I feel like I understand him a little better now. I still don't understand why he cares so much about me though.. random side note, I think I'm starting to like basketball... how weird! I've watched two games and was thoroughly entertained both times!

I have been reduced to complete humility with Chad today. We chatted for a bit after everyone left the gym; we talked about quiet time and about demons. We went to go pick up his daughter and I confessed to him about a struggle I've been having and he come at me with straight love. We also prayed over a demon I dreamt about last night (the same one that used to haunt me). On top of all that, he bought me dinner. It was really hard accepting that because up 'til now, no one has ever really gave me anything. I've never really received any gifts from anyone, not even on Christmas. Chad, on the other hand, has given me so much. I don't understand it at all.

I asked Chad what his views on me where three days ago and he said, "emotional, hurt, venerable, caring, loving, loveable, weak, stubborn, someone who would die for me." I'm very curious to see how those change in the next few weeks/months/years. It's crazy to even ponder the fact that Chad will still want to know me that long or even the fact that I may not push him out of my life. I've never had someone in my life that I feel safe around. He is the first person I really look up to. He is a true man of God; you can even see it in his eyes, I how he talks, in how he operates around others. I think it's fair to say that God put him in my life to show me what a true Christ follower looks like.